Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs.
5yo: I can’t wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you’re here from the future to save the world.
This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I’m pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five.
News reports 5hr Energy may be linked to death. Don’t know if it’s an advertising gimmick or not but I bought a bunch to gift, just in case.
Someone please tell my mother she won’t get a free iPod by clicking the links. She’s convinced I just don’t want to show her how to use it.
“That’s Superman, that’s Batman, and that’s Cyborg. If you won’t call them by their names, I can’t play with you anymore.” – me to my 5yo.
Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can’t help but think, “Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you.”
I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver.
Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It’s to the point that Google even knows when I’m high.
I want minions for Christmas.