@bobbiejo448

Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs.

@bobbiejo448

5yo: I can’t wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you’re here from the future to save the world.

@bobbiejo448

This Xanax script says I should take one daily as needed but I’m pretty sure they meant per child so, including the dogs, that makes five.

@bobbiejo448

News reports 5hr Energy may be linked to death. Don’t know if it’s an advertising gimmick or not but I bought a bunch to gift, just in case.

@bobbiejo448

Someone please tell my mother she won’t get a free iPod by clicking the links. She’s convinced I just don’t want to show her how to use it.

@bobbiejo448

“That’s Superman, that’s Batman, and that’s Cyborg. If you won’t call them by their names, I can’t play with you anymore.” – me to my 5yo.

@bobbiejo448

Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can’t help but think, “Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you.”

@bobbiejo448

I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver.

@bobbiejo448

Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It’s to the point that Google even knows when I’m high.