Some of y’all never had to risk it all for a LimeWire download and it shows
[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me[peels off pepperoni]
she loves me not
[arrives in heaven]
how’d you die?
me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire
I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
“Let me be clear” the sliding glass door said as I face planted it.
I’m obsessed with you. Not like peak through your window obsesseHEY I LIKE THAT DRESS WEAR THAT ONE
Did you ever think about ten years ago you’d be saying.. “I really hope this is a chick I’m talking to”.
Thanks to Twitter, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
“Are you okay?”
Me anytime I meet someone named Annie.
My current diet all ends with an S.
Pizzas.
Hamburgers.
Tacos.
Nachos.
Everything that’s in sights.
No, you hang up first.
Me to Pizza Hut