@bombsydoll: dude that designs dressing rooms: make em tiny like an upright coffin. good. now make the lighting so that bare skin looks like nightmares.
@bombsydoll: Spotting a woman with a wrinkle-free unstained white shirt, I shield my children behind me. ‘Stay close’ I whisper. ‘Dark magic is among us’
@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her
@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.
@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal"
*eats leftover mac n cheese anyway*
*makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
@bombsydoll: [at dentist office]
Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first
@bombsydoll: *sees guy having a heart attack*
me: quick somebody push a cookie in his mouth!
person: isn't that for diabetics?
me: it's what I would want