@bonehugsnirony: [someone compliments me]
Brain: act weird around them and ruin everything
Me: please don't
Brain: lol yes
@bonehugsnirony: Memories from childhood stay with us forever. Our first dog. Mom’s homemade cookies. Dad’s disappearance in the Bermuda Triangle.
@bonehugsnirony: Therapist: don’t take things personally
Me: [literally a conscious being that experiences life from a first-person perspective] ok I’ll try
@bonehugsnirony: Life is about experiences. First kisses. Books that change you. Self-medication. Dogs telling you to set things on fire.
@bonehugsnirony: A robot steals your job. It hurts, but that's how the economy works. Nothing personal. The robot starts texting your wife.
@bonehugsnirony: Being goth is hard. The curse on your boss is not working. Ravens are impossible to train. Deodorant marks on your black clothes. Ugh.
@bonehugsnirony: [my day at work]
9:00am: so much to do, blessed!
9:05am: ok I'm bored
9:06am: *googles am I too goth for work?*
@bonehugsnirony: [at job interview at NASA]
NASA: sir, you're underqualified for this position.
Me: have you seen our president?
NASA: give him a spaceship