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Page of boring_as_heck's best tweets

@boring_as_heck : Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.

@boring_as_heck: I’m ashamed to admit it but I would absolutely wear a cologne that smelled like an instruction manual from a just-opened Gameboy Color game

@boring_as_heck: Oh, I can't check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You're saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?

@boring_as_heck: [mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines]
Me: is that good

@boring_as_heck: Joe was really good at making movie trailers. There was just one problem *car honk* he didn't have access to the record scratch sound effect

@boring_as_heck: SATAN: I will tempt you into leaving the desert
JESUS: Oh yeah I can't wait to get back to the place where everyone hates me and has leprosy

@boring_as_heck: The KKK was started by some dork who wanted to wear robes and call himself a wizard and his dad was like "Ok but only if you're racist too."

@boring_as_heck: I'll take "That's Not A Category" for $200, Alex.
"That's not a category."
Yes, that's right.
"That's not a category."
I chose that, yes.

@boring_as_heck: Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I'd like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad.

@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.