@brendohare

If I was in charge of the Batman movies I would do a brief scene where it’s implied there is a Batman in every city in America, each of varying skill. For example, the one in Grand Rapids is locked in his car

@brendohare

I am buying these mints because they are more violent than other mints

@brendohare

ME: I will have 4 blueberry muffins for dinner please
DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER: Please do not tell us that you’re having them for dinner

@brendohare

Enough is enough. It is time for Sea World to step up and finally do something about the horrible whale who splashes everyone

@brendohare

My girlfriend does not want to split the gallon of milk I smuggled into the movie theater for us 😔

@brendohare

In honor of Mother’s Day here’s my favorite text my mom has ever sent me

@brendohare

If I was on the Titanic I would have told the captain “Do not hit that iceberg,” saving millions in the process

@brendohare

Why do people say “Cannonball” when jumping into a pool, but no one says “I’m jumping into a pool” when firing a cannonball #Interesting

@brendohare

To be fair to Justin Bieber if I had more than $75 I would act the way he does