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Page of briangaar's best tweets

@briangaar : [checks facebook] I don't remember everyone I went to high school with loving the national anthem this much

1. Can't find keys
2. Accuse everyone around me of taking my keys
3. Find keys
4. Apologize for key witchhunt

@briangaar: At this point, I'm pretty sure the main reason Donald Trump ran for president was to get more Twitter followers

@briangaar: [Captain America, minutes after the love of his life's funeral] Damn her niece is hot

@briangaar: *rises out of ball pit* thanks for agreeing to meet me here

@briangaar: Donald Trump is basically the villain in every anime so I assume he'll be defeated by a 13-year-old boy in short pants

@briangaar: Republicans: Don't let Syrians in!
Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in!
Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we’ve got an election to win)

@briangaar: I always carry a pair of shades with me because you never know when you might see a dead body & say something cool

@briangaar: Happy 30th birthday Super Mario Bros. To celebrate, I'm going to eat mushrooms, punch a brick wall & set a turtle on fire.