Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I’m hesitant to start the car.
My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it’s too snowy to drive.
SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK.
My 4 year old is handing me one grape to wash at a time so breakfast should be served around midnight.
My son has about 12 seconds to learn patience.
The city I live in has the highest rate of stalkings in Canada. I told a girl at the grocery store this. Then I told her at the gym.
I really hope it’s a typo on your resume where it says you’re “goat oriented”.
My 4 year old thought it was pretty cool that Simba could do whatever he wanted after Mufasa died. This is concerning.
You’re probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
I’ve tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby.
Bumped into my Ex again. I should really move her to a different part of the freezer.
I’m watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, “You sound like you’re 4 – it’s the grocery store”.