If you didn’t want to get bitten you shouldn’t have looked at my cinnamon rolls
Me: ruin me for other men
*Two kids later*
Me: not like that
Based on my Netflix recommendations I’m either a serial killer or chef
20s: Fear Of Missing Out
40s: Fear Of Being Included
How about Amazon starts using gargoyles for clothes models so I know what it will look like on me
I just tried on bathing suits and now I have to burn this fitting room down so it can never hurt anyone again
Everyone: Don’t be insecure. People hate that
Me: *insecure about being insecure*
There’s only two ways to do things: the easy way or the way I’m actually going to end up doing it.
I’m all about the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll until about nine because that’s cocoa time.
If stalking people is so bad, why does Twitter keep giving us a list of people to follow?