Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@brittwastaken : If you didn't want to get bitten you shouldn't have looked at my cinnamon rolls
@brittwastaken: Me: ruin me for other men
*Two kids later*
Me: not like that
@brittwastaken: Based on my Netflix recommendations I'm either a serial killer or chef
@brittwastaken: 20s: Fear Of Missing Out
40s: Fear Of Being Included
@brittwastaken: How about Amazon starts using gargoyles for clothes models so I know what it will look like on me
@brittwastaken: I just tried on bathing suits and now I have to burn this fitting room down so it can never hurt anyone again
@brittwastaken: Me: *insecure"
Everyone: Don't be insecure. People hate that
Me: *insecure about being insecure*
@brittwastaken: There's only two ways to do things: the easy way or the way I'm actually going to end up doing it.
@brittwastaken: Me: this weed is shit
*Fifteen minutes later*
Me: I wonder what this window tastes like
@brittwastaken: I'm all about the sex, drugs and rock n' roll until about nine because that's cocoa time.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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