@brunopieroni

Laser hair removal? That’s dumb. If I had laser hair, I’d keep it.

@brunopieroni

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

@brunopieroni

I left my Kindle on the train. This would have never happened if I was carrying 8 bookshelves full of books with me like in the old days.

@brunopieroni

Not to jinx this, but last time there was a highly anticipated London wedding on TV, the groom said Rachel’s name instead.

@brunopieroni

I know it’s called Words With Friends, but the moment you play “QI” on a triple word spot, you just became my mortal enemy.

@brunopieroni

Nothing says “I’m stubborn” like owning a BlackBerry in 2013.

@brunopieroni

How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications:
1) Open Facebook app
2) Go to Settings
3) Throw your phone into a river

@brunopieroni

I’m starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist’s office.

@brunopieroni

That show “Catfish” should just be called “People Who Have Never Heard of Google.”

@brunopieroni

Just ran into Björk walking into her hjötel. Ljöking fjörward to her show at Pitchfjörk tjönight (hjöly shit my Icelandic is pjërfect).