Me: so… have you..eaten dinner before?
Stranger: Ooohh what breed is he?!
Me *rolling my eyes* : He’s a doggie.
[into the abyss]
no you hang up first
Just so you know.. I can only be on top cause’ I’m not gonna take my backpack off
Liquor Store Cashier: Wow! Big party this weekend?
You know what I’d like for Christmas, mom? I’d like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I’d like some money and some new socks.
If by “be (your) girlfriend” you mean “catch spiders and hide them in your pockets everyday” then yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.
Spiderman ruined romance for me. Please don’t even think of kissing me unless you’re hanging upside down from a building.
Him: So what are you into?
Me: *thinking of the newspaper cutouts of Justin Trudeau all over my bedroom walls and ceiling* Politics.
Remember how they drove in 90’s TV sitcoms…the horribly fake steering wheel turning – left right left right? That’s how I actually drive.