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Page of byrdie_num_num's best tweets

@byrdie_num_num : Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.

@byrdie_num_num: Wife and I made a deal. She gets to keep hair on her legs, and I get to keep my opinions to myself. Baby steps.

@byrdie_num_num: Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'.

@byrdie_num_num: Instead of "Juicy" I have "May contain gas" written on the back of my shorts.

@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.

@byrdie_num_num: My wife and I used to describe our marriage as 'forever', now we both prefer the term 'ad nauseam'.

@byrdie_num_num: Few people have the balls to admit when they're wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.