Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of caithuls's best tweets

@caithuls : honestly if it were raining men I would not hallelujah

@caithuls: person: wanna be friends and get to know each other at a normal pace?
me: wanna write a movie together toDAY???

@caithuls: RELATIVE: You know about computers, right?

ME (has a degree in computer science): No

@caithuls: DATE: I like someone with a good sense of humor

ME: Ah ok I don't have that one but I got like touch and smell and so on

@caithuls: I just sneezed and made direct eye contact with my dog and we somehow didn't switch bodies wtf disney??

@caithuls: ME: So it's like a spank bank for your feelings?

THERAPIST: Most people just call it a journal, but sure

@caithuls: [picking up a pile of things from one room] cleaning is fun! [throwing it into a room I’m in less] and Easy :)

@caithuls: Someone put the toilet paper roll on backwards and I’m furious and also I live alone

@caithuls: ME: If you won a gold medal you’d wear it all the time too

FRIEND: Ok but that’s a parking ticket

@caithuls: ‘Drinking water successfully’ is out

‘Drinking water and letting it fall out the side of your mouth somehow and then down your chin and also to your shirt and oh god you’re sitting and the pants got hit too’ is in