When one door closes, another kid will open it and air condition the whole darn neighborhood.
Thinking about changing my Christian Mingle account name to, Gimme Psalm Lovin’
I can’t be a runner. I have this irrational fear that if I go for a run I’ll be too exhausted when someone tries to chase/attack me and I have no energy to run anymore.
Be your mom’s favorite by not having to make her count to three.
Can’t, waiting for the DIY instructions on how to make ventilators from cauliflower.
Don’t you hate it when you forget proper terms for objects so you end up calling a “watering can” a “that waterthingie for thirsty plants, yanno it’s like a portable water holder”.
Every time I see someone holding hands I get triggered to play red rover with them.
Psychic: The one you love is closer than you think.
Narcissist: *looks into mirror* yes
Kid, texting: MOM I’M HUNGRY!
Mom: *sends food emojis*
Drinking alcohol can lead to many things, like uneating your food.