@callmeEvian

When one door closes, another kid will open it and air condition the whole darn neighborhood.

@callmeEvian

Thinking about changing my Christian Mingle account name to, Gimme Psalm Lovin’

@callmeEvian

I can’t be a runner. I have this irrational fear that if I go for a run I’ll be too exhausted when someone tries to chase/attack me and I have no energy to run anymore.

@callmeEvian

Be your mom’s favorite by not having to make her count to three.

@callmeEvian

Can’t, waiting for the DIY instructions on how to make ventilators from cauliflower.

@callmeEvian

Don’t you hate it when you forget proper terms for objects so you end up calling a “watering can” a “that waterthingie for thirsty plants, yanno it’s like a portable water holder”.

@callmeEvian

Every time I see someone holding hands I get triggered to play red rover with them.

@callmeEvian

Psychic: The one you love is closer than you think.
Narcissist: *looks into mirror* yes

@callmeEvian

Drinking alcohol can lead to many things, like uneating your food.