I love how this restaurant keeps a fish tank by the front entrance so I can just reach my hand in and eat a fish on the way out for free.
Every jogger is running towards cake or away from kale.
People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I’m gonna stop coming to work now.
He always wanted a woman that would devour him whole like a gas station roasted chicken.
She always wanted a gas station roasted chicken.
If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I’m inviting you to race shopping carts, you’re my kinda people.
I wasn’t trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it.