Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of capnwatsisname's best tweets

@capnwatsisname : Jesus: my child, when there was only one set of footprints, Fred Flintstone was driving.

@capnwatsisname: WebMD: you have all the diseases

Dark WebMD: and here’s how to spread them

@capnwatsisname: So: a needle pulling thread

Thread: a way to stack your tweets

Tweet: the thing I did instead

When they honked at me to go

@capnwatsisname: HOST: Make yourself at home!

ME AND MY CLONE: I prefer the lab, thanks.

@capnwatsisname: What a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
Detective Pikachu

@capnwatsisname: Me: please, I’ve tried everything

Dry cleaner: we don’t do Tupperware