Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@cbdoubleu : Who called it Orion's Belt instead of a waist of space?
@cbdoubleu: [hands a flat-earther a frisbee] here's a basket ball
@cbdoubleu: [Imagine Dragons Concert]
me, a rebel: *thinking about cats*
@cbdoubleu: Who called it a birth certificate instead of a born identity?
@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you.
-Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.
@cbdoubleu: *covers himself in Nutella to hide his body heat from the Predator*
@cbdoubleu: Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression.
Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania?
*gets leg dropped*
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire]
Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined.
Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner.
Me: Not in your briefcase?
W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE.
M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda
@cbdoubleu: [Arouses Suspicion]
Suspicion: I don't want to ruin our friendship.