@cheeky__gal

It’s disappointing when you watch a high school basketball game and no one turns into a werewolf.

@cheeky__gal

The spider I just killed with a napkin isn’t in the napkin, and now I’m in a circle of salt reciting incantations.

@cheeky__gal

Just gave a homeless man $5 because I know what it’s like to be sober.

@cheeky__gal

I think my cats hate people as much as I do.

Every time the doorbell rings, they hide under the bed with me.

@cheeky__gal

I think the lady at the movies is “shushing” me, but I can’t tell because I’m eating Doritos.

@cheeky__gal

The number of STDs I can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.

@cheeky__gal

After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up.

Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.