“Dad, what’s a coworker?”
“Someone you block on social media.”
I love my kids, but not “Puts reindeer antlers and red nose on my SUV during the holiday season” loves my kids.
Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday night, I unblock my mom on Facebook as a reminder that shit could be worse.
“Dad, where’s my king size Milk Chocolate Hershey Bar I got from trick or treating?”
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price Is Right” audience.
“Dad, where do babies come from?”
If I had to choose between watching Frozen 1 and Frozen 2, I’d probably choose whiskey.
“Dad, what should I do if a strange man in a white van with no windows offers me candy?”
“Make sure you grab me a Snickers and a Reese’s cup.
I’ve never seen anyone go through drug withdrawals, but I once hid my son’s iPad for 10 minutes.