@cheers27402373

“Dad, what’s a coworker?”

“Someone you block on social media.”

@cheers27402373

I love my kids, but not “Puts reindeer antlers and red nose on my SUV during the holiday season” loves my kids.

@cheers27402373

Whenever I’m feeling down on a Sunday night, I unblock my mom on Facebook as a reminder that shit could be worse.

@cheers27402373

“Dad, where’s my king size Milk Chocolate Hershey Bar I got from trick or treating?”

(Cricket Sound)
(Cricket Sound)
(Cricket Sound)
(Cricket Sound)
(Cricket Sound)

@cheers27402373

The world would be a better place if we all got along like the “Price Is Right” audience.

@cheers27402373

If I had to choose between watching Frozen 1 and Frozen 2, I’d probably choose whiskey.

@cheers27402373

“Dad, what should I do if a strange man in a white van with no windows offers me candy?”

“Make sure you grab me a Snickers and a Reese’s cup.

@cheers27402373

I’ve never seen anyone go through drug withdrawals, but I once hid my son’s iPad for 10 minutes.