Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us
@chris_isloi : Everyone keeps returning to the same hypothetical. If loving you is wrong...
What if loving you is gross? That's the question.
@chris_isloi: I wonder if anyone ever told Hitler "just be yourself".
@chris_isloi: Holy shit, remember rhymes with September. If no one thought about putting that in a song, I'm gonna be rich.
@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
@chris_isloi: The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled "HOLD ON!" yet.
@chris_isloi: Whenever two people argue over something, yell out "OBJECTION" and then contradict the one wearing something you don't like.
@chris_isloi: So apparently "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops.
@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"
@chris_isloi: When you give someone a present, unless you say "open it", they're legally not allowed to look inside.