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Page of chrisdelia's best tweets

@chrisdelia : I shit you not I just had this convo on the plane...

Stewardess - Are you a comedian?

Me - Yes

Her - I thought so. I recognized you from the website, “comedian.”

@chrisdelia: Guy - “Hey are you famous?”

Me - “No.”

Guy - “Oh you look like this comedian.”

Me - “I don’t speak English.”

Guy - “Oh! Where are you from?”

Me - “The Ukraine.”

Guy - “My father is Ukrainian.”

Me - “Oh, then I’m from Spain.”

@chrisdelia: Just overheard someone say “it’s Friday somewhere” lmao. Like... it’s just... not.

@chrisdelia: I just saw a commercial for a drug called Dupixent and in the commercial the voice over actually said “Do not take if you are allergic to Dupixent.”

@chrisdelia: Sometimes I don’t delete negative instagram comments. I wait until they tally up some likes. Then I go see who liked the negative comment and block them. That way the person who left the negative comment did a service for me. They worked for me for free.

@chrisdelia: I don’t know what’s a video game and what’s a movie anymore. I think I was trying to play a movie for a few hours last night.

@chrisdelia: Me: *Asks question on snapchat*

Them: *Answers question on snapchat*

Me: "Wait, what did I ask again?"

@chrisdelia: I've ALWAYS said "A sport is not a sport unless you can play it while shitting."

@chrisdelia: Hey girls, you are not a "mommy" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon.

@chrisdelia: I'm pitching a show called "Walking Dad" where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too.