@chrisdowning

The new deodorant I bought doesn’t tell me how many hours of coverage it provides. I’m a ticking time bomb over here.

@chrisdowning

At Home Depot, I’m just as confused and lost as the birds that have accidentally flown into the building.

@chrisdowning

That blue kool-aid that barbers keep their combs in tastes funny.

@chrisdowning

How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?

@chrisdowning

Welcome back to another episode of Did I Close the Ziplock Bag Properly?

@chrisdowning

The CDC website had a recipe for a quarantine cocktail made with vodka. It doesn’t taste very good but goddamn it gets your hands clean.

@chrisdowning

If my landlord would just take cat hair instead of money, I could pay for the whole year upfront.

@chrisdowning

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days.