The new deodorant I bought doesn’t tell me how many hours of coverage it provides. I’m a ticking time bomb over here.
At Home Depot, I’m just as confused and lost as the birds that have accidentally flown into the building.
That blue kool-aid that barbers keep their combs in tastes funny.
If society ever starts using cat puke as currency, I’m set.
How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?
Welcome back to another episode of Did I Close the Ziplock Bag Properly?
The CDC website had a recipe for a quarantine cocktail made with vodka. It doesn’t taste very good but goddamn it gets your hands clean.
My dad would be so mad if he knew how loud my tv is right now.
If my landlord would just take cat hair instead of money, I could pay for the whole year upfront.
I wonder what the part of my brain that used to remember phone numbers is up to these days.