Shout out to the little teapot song for making it okay to be short & stout.
Me: I’m an atheist. Nothing is on purpose. Nihilism 4eva
Also me: *sees my birthday numbers anywhere* this is a sign.
How can a murderer return to the scene of the crime? I don’t even go to the same McDonald’s too soon after I’ve eaten there.
Him: whatcha thinkin bout?
Me [already half way out the window]: our future.
I do my deepest thinking when I can’t figure out why someone honked at me.
When Siri has her period she uses an iPad.
I hate myself.