@chuuew

[ascending to heaven] oh wow I can’t believe I made it

[passing heaven by and going towards the sun] ok fair

@chuuew

Who called it a hive for bees to live and not a site to beehold?

@chuuew

[eating cured meats and mixed cheeses while jumping out of an airplane] lmao pacharcuterie

@chuuew

[first day as a detective] I can’t remember where I parked my car

@chuuew

Finally passed GO. That’s the last time I eat a Monopoly board.

@chuuew

WIFE: He wanted me to lay these coins over his eyes at his funeral

FRIEND: Seems like a waste of chocolate

@chuuew

[serving dinner]

ME: What’s is called when chefs set food on fire?

WIFE: Flambé?

ME: I’ve flambéd your soup

@chuuew

[sharing a cold one with the fellas] It’s my turn to hold the penguin

@chuuew

WIFE: Remember to check for firmness

ME: When should kids be allowed to date?

TOMATO: Minimum of 18 years old imo

ME: OK this one is good

@chuuew

FRIEND: I miss hugging people

ME: Probably a depth perception issue