[ascending to heaven] oh wow I can’t believe I made it
[passing heaven by and going towards the sun] ok fair
Who called it a hive for bees to live and not a site to beehold?
[eating cured meats and mixed cheeses while jumping out of an airplane] lmao pacharcuterie
[first day as a detective] I can’t remember where I parked my car
Finally passed GO. That’s the last time I eat a Monopoly board.
WIFE: He wanted me to lay these coins over his eyes at his funeral
FRIEND: Seems like a waste of chocolate
ME: What’s is called when chefs set food on fire?
ME: I’ve flambéd your soup
[sharing a cold one with the fellas] It’s my turn to hold the penguin
WIFE: Remember to check for firmness
ME: When should kids be allowed to date?
TOMATO: Minimum of 18 years old imo
ME: OK this one is good
FRIEND: I miss hugging people
ME: Probably a depth perception issue