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@chuuew : ME: I like a girl with a bit of ink
OCTOPUS: Oh hey
@chuuew: PRINCIPAL: Your father needs to speak to you urgently
SON: Oh my god what's wrong
ME: I think your mother gave you my oreo thins by mistake
@chuuew: [reading horrorscope] "More horror today". That seems right
@chuuew: ME: There's something disgusting in my food
WAITER: Our plates are reflective
@chuuew: ME: [rocking out front row at a concert] Woooo
THIRD CELLIST: Please sit down
@chuuew: OPTOMETRIST: Better or worse? Better or worse?
ME: You don't *have* to talk during sex
@chuuew: WIFE: Did you get the baby their shots?
ME: Of course
BABY: [licking salt off wrist] WOOOO
DOG: Pour me a double. This day can't get any worse...
CAT BARTENDER: [slowly pushes drink off the bar]
@chuuew: This is the part of the job I really hate [goes to work]
@chuuew: ME: [running for my flight]
PILOT: [leaning out cockpit window] JUST GIVE UP