Today your brother-in-law will announce his plan to defeat ISIS. Happy Thanksgiving.
Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
Vanilla Ice arrested for grand theft. Cops say, “He jumped in the car, slammed on the gas
bumper to bumper, the avenue’s packed.”
I paid $5.99 for The Interview. I now want North Korea to kill me.
When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.
I think the only thing Fox News hasn’t yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson’s bullets. #ferguson
Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I’ve heard for making racists dehydrate to death.
Obama turns 52 today. Republicans vote to repeal it.