@clichedout

me: I’d like 2 copies of Math For Dummies

cashier: they’re $5 a piece

me: [sweating profusely] here’s $47.00

@clichedout

her: when we go to Hawaii let’s ride a dolphin

me:

her:

me: i’m taking a plane, Karen

@clichedout

waiter:
me:
waiter:
me:
waiter:
me:
waiter:
me: *takes first bite*
waiter: HOW’S EVERYTHING TASTING

@clichedout

my gf left me bc i’m paranoid

nvm she’s back, she went pee

@clichedout

me: can i buy u a drink

girl: ladies drink free tonight, idiot

me:

girl:

me: can u buy me a drink

@clichedout

INTERVIEWER: u put “whiskey” as a reference?

ME: ope i thought it said preference

@clichedout

me: thanks for explaining what a plethora is

her: ur welcome

me: it really means a lot

@clichedout

ME: can i start digging?

SOCIETY: wtf no that’s grave robbing

[waits an hour]

ME: how about now?

SOCIETY: ok now it’s archaeology