Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of clichedout's best tweets

@clichedout : HER: I love the movie The Shining

ME: [trying to impress] same

HER: what's ur favorite part

ME: [sweating] when it starts to shine

@clichedout: [1st time doing the sex]

her: wanna get on top

me: uh, sure

[later]

me: [from the roof] are u...are u coming up

@clichedout: me: I have a phobia of very large numbers

therapist: I can help u

me: thanks a twelve

@clichedout: me: dinosaurs can't jump

her: how do u know

me: they're all dead Linda

@clichedout: [inventing napkin dispensers]

bob: it has 2 settings

exec: ok

bob: 1 at a time

exec: ok

bob: or 37 at a time

exec: first of all I love it

@clichedout: friend: how do u meet girls

me: I find the hottest grandma at the nursing home

friend:

me: I wait for her granddaughter to visit

friend: haha clever

me: then ask if her grandma is single

@clichedout: her: does an apple a day really keep the doctor away

me: *flicks cigarette butt* u ever seen a horse at the ER Karen

@clichedout: Welcome to backhanded compliment club, it's so nice meeting people who don't care how they look

@clichedout: her: what's up

me: i'm in my car driving

her: cool where

me: in the front seat

her: no like what location

me: driver's side

@clichedout: me: *offering joint* wanna hit

giraffe:

me: nvm ur already high lol

[later]

scientist: first time we've seen a giraffe eat a human