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Page of climaxximus's best tweets

@climaxximus : me: I have a problem.

her: whatever it is, its OUR problem.

me: ok then WE just killed the neighbor.

@climaxximus: [family get together]

mom: has anyone seen grandmas dentures?

me with 64 teeth: ramma losht hur wat now?

@climaxximus: dog: why can't I see colors?

me: you're visually impaired.

dog: what's impai?

@climaxximus: Doctor: I want you to take it easy on your joints from now on.

Me: ok

(later at home)

Me, talking to my blunt: I'm sorry I called you fat.

@climaxximus: Me(being handcuffed): Oh, now it's illegal to throw a house warming party?

Cop: For the last time, it's called arson.

@climaxximus: Pigeons imply the existence of pigcenturies and pigmillennia.

@climaxximus: The secret society of the bean keepers is called the leguminati.