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@climaxximus : me: I have a problem.
her: whatever it is, its OUR problem.
me: ok then WE just killed the neighbor.
@climaxximus: [family get together]
mom: has anyone seen grandmas dentures?
me with 64 teeth: ramma losht hur wat now?
@climaxximus: dog: why can't I see colors?
me: you're visually impaired.
dog: what's impai?
@climaxximus: Doctor: I want you to take it easy on your joints from now on.
(later at home)
Me, talking to my blunt: I'm sorry I called you fat.
@climaxximus: Me(being handcuffed): Oh, now it's illegal to throw a house warming party?
Cop: For the last time, it's called arson.
@climaxximus: Pigeons imply the existence of pigcenturies and pigmillennia.
@climaxximus: The secret society of the bean keepers is called the leguminati.