“I have so much to do” she says, staring at a tree for five years
i wonder what my cat is thinking about when she sits curled up at my feet staring at me for hours and sharpening her hattori hanzo sword
what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom
people say Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius but he didn’t drop out to drink fireball and start a band this is important
I like talking to bartenders because they can’t go anywhere.
*lady shares a wallet photo of her son*
*i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*
me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England]
man: 31? what are u my grandma?
“someday this will all be yours” I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
Obama: Please don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning cup of Joe.
Joe: no please no more.
Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*
everything in the world’s horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades