Funny Tweeter

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Page of coketruck76's best tweets

@coketruck76 : "What are you going to be when you grow up?"

Tired.
The answer is tired.

@coketruck76: Got arrested at the farmers market for taking a leek.

@coketruck76: I never use "a lot" or "too much" butter. I use the right amount. Now, hand me my butter shovel.

@coketruck76: I want hashbrown pills.

~the guy who invented Tater tots

@coketruck76: I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.

@coketruck76: Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it?
Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.

@coketruck76: *Pearly Gates
St. Peter: No way!
Me as angel: It's the rules!
SP: But the drugs and sweari-
M: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN!
Snoop: Fo' Shizzle.

@coketruck76: 13: Dad, do you believe in miracles?
Me: Do you remember spray painting my car?
13: yeah
M: Are you breathing?
13: yeah
M: Well, there ya go

@coketruck76: Me: I'm into fitness
Trainer: not again
M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth
T: you should go
M: this isn't going to "workout"
T: LEAVE NOW