@colesprouse

“Hold on lemme just hotbox these bugs so I can steal and eat their goo.” -beekeepers everywhere

@colesprouse

I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.

@colesprouse

It’s not a good date unless it ends with you slowly walking off into the ocean like Godzilla.

@colesprouse

Just lookin for a girl to help me organize my plastic bag drawer.

@colesprouse

You’re losing followers because you’re not relatable enough. Try mentioning that you eat pizza. If that doesn’t work, play the ukulele.