Funny Tweeter

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Page of copymama's best tweets

@copymama : [Baby shower]

Mom-to-be, opening my gift: What's this?
Me: A lock box.
MTB: For what?
Me: Your office supplies: tape, scissors, pens...
MTB:
Me: You'll thank me in 5 years.

@copymama: I don’t normally take my kids grocery shopping with me, but today I thought, “Oh, why not?” Then my 6yo grabbed a whisk from a display of cooking utensils and yelled “It’s time for your daily beating!” at my 9yo and I was like, “OH, RIGHT.”

@copymama: *Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*

@copymama: A cool thing about having kids is you get to carry on a conversation with someone who’s doing a headstand in an armchair.

@copymama: A woman at the grocery store stopped me and asked “Do you know where the cheese is?” and it was the only time in my life that I confidently gave directions.

@copymama: Grandmas be like, “My grandchild murdered someone? Oh, poor baby was probably just overtired.”

@copymama: Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.

@copymama: I don’t care if my kids are literally performing demon-summoning incantations in their rooms after bedtime as long as they stay in there.

@copymama: When you were a kid, you said “But I’m not tired!” at some point, and you had no idea that it was the last time you’d ever utter that phrase.

@copymama: My 6yo carried our Google Home Mini around the house all day asking it question after question to the point where I found it locked in the bathroom crying with a glass of wine.