Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of copymama's best tweets

@copymama : [Baby shower]

Mom-to-be, opening my gift: What's this?
Me: A lock box.
MTB: For what?
Me: Your office supplies: tape, scissors, pens...
Me: You'll thank me in 5 years.

@copymama: I don’t normally take my kids grocery shopping with me, but today I thought, “Oh, why not?” Then my 6yo grabbed a whisk from a display of cooking utensils and yelled “It’s time for your daily beating!” at my 9yo and I was like, “OH, RIGHT.”

@copymama: *Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*

@copymama: A cool thing about having kids is you get to carry on a conversation with someone who’s doing a headstand in an armchair.

@copymama: A woman at the grocery store stopped me and asked “Do you know where the cheese is?” and it was the only time in my life that I confidently gave directions.

@copymama: Grandmas be like, “My grandchild murdered someone? Oh, poor baby was probably just overtired.”

@copymama: Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.

@copymama: I don’t care if my kids are literally performing demon-summoning incantations in their rooms after bedtime as long as they stay in there.

@copymama: When you were a kid, you said “But I’m not tired!” at some point, and you had no idea that it was the last time you’d ever utter that phrase.

@copymama: My 6yo carried our Google Home Mini around the house all day asking it question after question to the point where I found it locked in the bathroom crying with a glass of wine.