@cravin4 A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
@cravin4 Can’t, I’m about to turn 50 and my lower back is almost 83.
@cravin4 [Attorney’s office]
*checked box for cremation*
*signed last will and testament*Guess I just made an ash out of myself.
Wife: *rolls eyes*
Did he also sign the DNR?
@cravin4 Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.
@cravin4 Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
@cravin4 Soccer moms drinking from sports bottles. You’re not fooling anyone, we know you have wine in there and you should share.
@cravin4 *fashions codpiece out of grilled cheese sandwich*
Wife: it’s still NO!
@cravin4 Went over todo list for fishing vaca, Noticed wife put “WTF” aside “B Plug”.
Had to explain, the “Boat Plug” keeps the water out of the boat
@cravin4 Sorry Taco Bell, but I came up with the Naked Chicken Chalupa before you did. Well actually Ambien did & I’m still banned from Taco Bell.
@cravin4 If you can see the bread you are not using butter correctly.