A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
Can’t, I’m about to turn 50 and my lower back is almost 83.
*checked box for cremation*
*signed last will and testament*
Guess I just made an ash out of myself.
Wife: *rolls eyes*
Did he also sign the DNR?
Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.
Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.
Soccer moms drinking from sports bottles. You’re not fooling anyone, we know you have wine in there and you should share.
*fashions codpiece out of grilled cheese sandwich*
Wife: it’s still NO!
Went over todo list for fishing vaca, Noticed wife put “WTF” aside “B Plug”.
Had to explain, the “Boat Plug” keeps the water out of the boat
Sorry Taco Bell, but I came up with the Naked Chicken Chalupa before you did. Well actually Ambien did & I’m still banned from Taco Bell.
If you can see the bread you are not using butter correctly.