@cravin4
There is no such thing as bad cheese there is only bad people who didn’t eat the cheese fast enough.
@cravin4
Today my battery went dead on my car key so I had to manually unlock it like the pioneers did.
@cravin4
My wife does this cute thing now & then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items.
@cravin4
Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:
Animal Crackers
Pretzels
Strawberries
finger
Feelings
@cravin4
My wife asked if I wanted to go to a pig roast this summer but I’ve been fat shamed enough already this year.
@cravin4
A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
@cravin4
Can’t, I’m about to turn 50 and my lower back is almost 83.
@cravin4
[Attorney’s office]
*checked box for cremation*
*signed last will and testament*Guess I just made an ash out of myself.
Wife: *rolls eyes*
Did he also sign the DNR?
@cravin4
Autocorrect got me in trouble again when I invited the neighbors over for a friendly game of Go Fist.
@cravin4
Little known fact:
If you eat a Tide POD™ you will poop out the secret of how to fold a fitted sheet.