@cravin4

Do they charge extra if you want to get a tattoo of an avocado?

@cravin4

It’s fine that my wife plans beach vacations every year around Shark Week but only referring to me as “chum” while we’re there is a bit much.

@cravin4

I’m a creative speller thus no typos, just art.

@cravin4

I made my son a grilled cheese with three pieces of cheese and he said that’s too much cheese.

Now my wife is mad at ME for ordering a DNA test.

@cravin4

I think I overdosed on comfort food last night….

That makes 7,427 days in a row.

@cravin4

Two things I learned this weekend are:

1. I’m not too old to get in a hammock.

2. I’m too old to get out of a hammock.

@cravin4

Good morning to everyone except the people who prefer the taste of margarine over butter.

@cravin4

Hey babe, you look hungry. I have a meal for you in my shorts.

*whips out five course meal from my cargo shorts with still frozen dippin dots for dessert*

@cravin4

I started this new workout that helps protect my abs and obliques by rubbing grilled cheese sandwiches on them from the inside then my body puts a protective layer around them on the outside.

@cravin4

I once had sex while drinking a beer and didn’t spill a drop.

I only wish there was someone else there to witness it.