@cravin4

When you just stick the tip in and then move it around and around.

– Hand held pencil sharpener

@cravin4

To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I’m sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.

@cravin4

No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.

@cravin4

Caesar: Et tu, Brute?

Brutus: We told you not to wear Crocs.

@cravin4

Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You’re freaking out the customers.

Me: Fake?

@Cravin4

It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that’s when the sporks flew.

@Cravin4

There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…

..Frying the bacon

@Cravin4

I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”

@Cravin4

Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…

.. Except at my house.

@Cravin4

Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth