When you just stick the tip in and then move it around and around.
– Hand held pencil sharpener
To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I’m sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.
No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.
Caesar: Et tu, Brute?
Brutus: We told you not to wear Crocs.
Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You’re freaking out the customers.
It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that’s when the sporks flew.
There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…
..Frying the bacon
I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”
Marital Law & Martial Law while look similar have very different meanings…
.. Except at my house.
Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth