Welcome to my home! No you’re mistaken, it isn’t a mess, it’s just gallery-style so you can see everything we own at once. Watch your step.
Sorry I told you we should definitely hang out sometime and then didn’t answer my phone for 5 years
In case you’re considering having kids, I’ve been awake since sunrise trying to fulfill breakfast requests of: 1. Pancakes 2. Pizza 3. Green
Get married and have kids so that you can be woken up at 4:56 am on a Saturday by someone asking what the opposite of “J” is.
And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.
Alexa, take down my Christmas decorations.
Triscuits are a good snack if you’ve already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands
There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.
What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn’t have to clean up after little people anymore? Because that I totally get.
Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?
Me: We have to be quick!
*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*