Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of crunchenhanced's best tweets

@crunchenhanced : If you come across a bear in the woods, it's best to just wipe it off and apologize.

@crunchenhanced: Marriage is like when you were a kid on Easter and saw this HUGE chocolate bunny in your basket.

But it was hollow. And white chocolate.

@crunchenhanced: If you walk into a meeting and say “sorry, I have to go to another meeting.”

You can avoid every meeting.

You’re welcome.

@crunchenhanced: [a guy is playing acoustic guitar at a local pub]

Me: do you take requests?

Him: yes!

Me: can you stop playing?

@crunchenhanced: Eating fried cheese is the closest i've gotten to doing heroin.

@crunchenhanced: I’m going to be embalmed the old-fashioned way.

Bourbon.

@crunchenhanced: Fun tip:

Go to carnivals, scatter nuts and bolts around rides to cut down on wait times.

*thumbs up*

@crunchenhanced: Little known fact:

Centipede’s are the Metric version of Inchworms.

@crunchenhanced: The fastest way to teach a kid to ride a bike is to strap their feet to the pedals and chase them with broccoli.