I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.


My wife told me she “likes it rough.”

So I replaced the toilet paper roll with a sandpaper roll.

-how guys understand women


A 6′-6″ guy doesn’t scare me, but my 5′-1″ wife does, if you were looking for inspiration to get married.


Women are like campfires.

Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart.

And, both don’t like it if you pee on them.



She’s got a great personality!

It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….


Wife: Silent

Me: What’s wrong?

Wife: Nothing

Me: Grabs shield and sword