I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Google Moon is NOT what I thought it would be.
*pulls up pants
My wife told me she “likes it rough.”
So I replaced the toilet paper roll with a sandpaper roll.
-how guys understand women
If sex was my religion, I’d be an athiest.
A 6′-6″ guy doesn’t scare me, but my 5′-1″ wife does, if you were looking for inspiration to get married.
Women are like campfires.
Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart.
And, both don’t like it if you pee on them.
She’s got a great personality!
It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….
Me: What’s wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
Can someone just invent a mirror that takes pictures already!
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.