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@crunchenhancer : I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
@crunchenhancer: Google Moon is NOT what I thought it would be.
*pulls up pants
@crunchenhancer: My wife told me she "likes it rough."
So I replaced the toilet paper roll with a sandpaper roll.
-how guys understand women
@crunchenhancer: If sex was my religion, I'd be an athiest.
@crunchenhancer: A 6'-6" guy doesn't scare me, but my 5'-1" wife does, if you were looking for inspiration to get married.
@crunchenhancer: Women are like campfires.
Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart.
And, both don't like it if you pee on them.
@crunchenhancer: She's got a great personality!
It's the other 6 personalities that I'm worried about....
@crunchenhancer: Wife: Silent
Me: What's wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
@crunchenhancer: Can someone just invent a mirror that takes pictures already!
@crunchenhancer: A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.