@crushingbort

They put babies on packages of toilet paper because that’s what we used to wipe with before scientists discovered they grow up into people

@crushingbort

“daddy where do babies come from”
“we just don’t know, sweetie…*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* “…we just don’t know”

@crushingbort

“there’s only one thing to do when you’re Zero Dark Thirsty” *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*