@curlycomedy

I need a Valentine’s Day card that says, “Sorry we keep almost-divorcing during the pandemic.”

@curlycomedy

I don’t know much about physics, but I do know that cookout smoke will blow in whatever direction people are sitting.

@curlycomedy

You have to appreciate the microwave when the directions on a frozen meal say, “Cook on High for 2 minutes. Or put it in a conventional oven for five days.”

@curlycomedy

Annoying to think of how many lives on the Titanic could have been saved if only they had seen the movie.

@curlycomedy

You wash your hands more now, sure, but it’s still been a year since you’ve cleaned your microwave.