You have to appreciate the microwave when the directions on a frozen meal say, “Cook on High for 2 minutes. Or put it in a conventional oven for five days.”
At what age do you tell your child Alexa isn’t real?
Annoying to think of how many lives on the Titanic could have been saved if only they had seen the movie.
You wash your hands more now, sure, but it’s still been a year since you’ve cleaned your microwave.
Well I guess it’s time to learn my kids’ names.
I prefer the term busy professional, thank you.
Must be nice to only have body issues once a year.
*Backstreet Boys voice*
Am I acceptable?
Cop: When the meteor landed on the Old Navy Store it obliterated the clearance section.
Me (also a cop): *Solemnly* Yes. There were many casual tees.
Executive: One of the skills you listed is “diplomatic lying”…?
Me: Yes, for example I will say, “I am a block away,” when it’s more like five or, “I need two minutes,” when I mean at least thirty.
Executive: You’re hired.
Me: I’ll start in a week.