*first time in a long time at the dentist*
Dentist: don’t worry this isn’t going to be as bad as you think.
Dentists: whoops never mind we have to take out all your teeth.
New parent: My child is having a hard time with teething. Any advice?
Veteran parent: Take some whiskey, drink a bunch of it.
[First day as a surgeon]
[Last day as surgeon]
My wife and I spell out words so our toddler won’t understand what we’re saying, but we both spell like shit so we can’t understand what we’re saying either.
My toddler thought the moon was beautiful tonight. So beautiful that he wanted to give it a hug. Proving once again that kids are incredibly sweet.
And so so dumb.