Successful parenting is all about having a schedule. Feel free to use mine:
8:30am-6pm: beg my kid to take a nap
7-9pm: beg my kid to go to sleep
3yo: welcome to my store.
Me: thank you how much for this apple?
3yo: ummm fifty dollars.
Me: wow and these grapes?
3yo: um SIXTY dollars.
Me: geez how about this lemon?
3yo: FIFTY AND SIXTY DOLLARS!
and this still isn’t the most expensive grocery store in nyc
I love it when my toddler falls asleep with sunglasses on it’s like my own personal weekend at bernie’s.
Got into a big fight with my toddler over what powers trains. I said electricity but he insisted it’s carrots. Carrots running trains is literally the hill he’ll die on.
Me: how are you?
Me: I hear that.
Toddler: can you change me?
Me: I can try but happiness comes from within.
Wife: HIS DIAPER YOU IDIOT.
Me: what do you want for dinner?
Me: you want cheese on that nothing?
3yo: yes please.
3yo: why do you have to die one day?
Me: probably because of something I said to mommy.
As we watched the sun set together my 3yo asked me what kind of pajamas the sun likes to wear to bed and that just might be the cutest question I’ve ever been asked.
Also the dumbest.
My toddler just tried to change the channel with a chicken finger and since I had the remote in my hand I totally let him think it worked.
3yo: dad watch me put on my own socks.
[3 pandemics later]