People like to say they love coffee but dump 1 gallon of sugar into it. You don’t love coffee you love candy.
My grandpa purposefully takes his hearing aids out so he can’t hear my kids. I don’t blame him. I’m jealous of him.
my wife loves it when one of the kids prays before dinner and they say “please God i hope this food is good”.
me: 11 can you come here
11: am i in trouble?
me: …no…but…should you be?
me: [tries to spend time with kids. They don’t want to]
Kids: I wanna do something with you! You don’t spend time with us!!
me: for lent i’m giving up kids
me: [pushing kids out the door into the snow] i gotta do it for God
7: [eating a bunch]
7: I’m going thru a gross spurt.
me: that’s a good way to put it.
me as a teen: chapstick is stupid
me in my late 30’s: who the hell touched my recliner chapstick?!
me: [lists something on fb marketplace for $400 that’s worth $1,000 new.]
person: take $6??
guys in 2000’s: i want my pant legs as wide as possible.
guys now: please spray paint jeans onto me.