I’m looking for a very tall gf to reach the cookies, or a very small gf I can lift up to get the cookies.
Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I’m definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back “lol” after a few minutes.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets. Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.
Kindly respect my midwestern lifestyle and do not make any crude or irreverent jokes at this time.
My gf 1 month in: haha OMG I love your Twitter. I definitely don’t think it’s weird, it’s so clever!
My gf 2nd month: listen
Swords just aren’t naturally “wooooshy” enough for me, that’s why I add the noise. That’s why I add the noise, Janet.
No, I can’t come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
Good guy in movie shot 3 times: I must save my family
Me, kinda sore from trampoline sesh: sorry gramma can’t make it to your 85th bday
100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out.
Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don’t think I am.