Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of danjan13's best tweets

@danjan13 : I'm looking for a very tall gf to reach the cookies, or a very small gf I can lift up to get the cookies.

@danjan13: Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I'm definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back "lol" after a few minutes.

@danjan13: Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets. Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.

@danjan13: Kindly respect my midwestern lifestyle and do not make any crude or irreverent jokes at this time.

@danjan13: My gf 1 month in: haha OMG I love your Twitter. I definitely don't think it's weird, it's so clever!

My gf 2nd month: listen

@danjan13: Swords just aren't naturally "wooooshy" enough for me, that's why I add the noise. That's why I add the noise, Janet.

@danjan13: No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.

@danjan13: Good guy in movie shot 3 times: I must save my family

Me, kinda sore from trampoline sesh: sorry gramma can't make it to your 85th bday

@danjan13: 100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out.

@danjan13: Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don't think I am.