@darkmatter_wimp: Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!"

God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me."

Satan: "Dude..."

@darkmatter_wimp: At the club, a 6'1" girl was crying in my lap.

I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe.

Win-win.

@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.

@darkmatter_wimp: *dims the lights so you look like your selfies*

@darkmatter_wimp: Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this:

There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator.