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@darrinfb : I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it.
So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.
@darrinfb: I want my ashes scattered when I die.
I don't like people visiting me now.... I'll be damned if I want visitors when I'm dead.
@darrinfb: You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them.
@darrinfb: Ok America.
You've made us chuckle with this whole Trump 2016 thing.
But if we see Kanye 2020 happen...
No. More. SYRUP.
@darrinfb: It's so hot outside I almost called my ex over so I could stand by something shady.
@darrinfb: Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol.
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated"
How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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