@ddsmidt

OMG, I can’t believe all the people who are out despite the stay at home orders.

…Says the person who’s out despite the stay at home orders.

@ddsmidt

My husband talked me into cutting his hair and he thinks I did an amazing job.

Apparently it hasn’t occurred to him to take a look at the back.

@ddsmidt

If newscasters are going to be broadcasting from their homes, the least they can do is show us around the place.

@ddsmidt

Husband: Just think how much money we’re saving by staying at home.

Me: *shopping online*
Mmm hmmm, sure seems that way.

@ddsmidt

I wrapped my coat around a young girl. She was standing in the freezing cold with no coat, her shoes barely covered her feet.

She didn’t even appreciate it, she just kept screaming at me to get out of her wedding video.

@ddsmidt

I don’t care what my husband says, technically he is a brother-in-law to my mom’s dog.

@ddsmidt

You would think my neighbors would appreciate me petting their dogs every day.

But nooooo, they’re too worried about how I keep getting into their house.

@ddsmidt

Me: *types* “Stupid auto correct loves making me look like an idiot.”

*Autocorrects to* “You’re doing a good job of that yourself.”

@ddsmidt

Nothing sucks more than a Monday.

Daylight Savings Time: Oh hey guys!

@ddsmidt

No good ever comes from pulling on that tiny thread.