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Page of ddsmidt's best tweets

@ddsmidt : When someone tells you “you don’t even know the half of it,” like it or not you’re about to hear the whole of it.

@ddsmidt: I always smile really big at people in public. Tends to freak them out, out cause I’m not good at putting on lipstick.

@ddsmidt: Naw, I don’t have jaundice. Just accidentally grabbed the wrong color foundation again.

@ddsmidt: Hubs: *Climbing ladder to put baby bird back in nest* [at my request]

*Falls off ladder*

Me: Oh my God, is the bird okay?

@ddsmidt: My cat keeps stealing my earrings off the dresser.

Jokes on her, all the backs are missing. She’ll never be able to wear them.

@ddsmidt: Mark my words, but use something erasable cause I change my mind a lot.

@ddsmidt: I wish people would stop asking me if I'm on Twitter, clearly I'm not.

@ddsmidt: I hate it when someone tells me something, then says “this information is not for public consumption.“

...As if I plan on eating it.

@ddsmidt: Me: Thank you for rescuing me from such a desperate situation.

Hubs: Again, hitting the wrong button on the remote is not a “desperate situation.”

@ddsmidt: Hubs: *under breath* No, no, please noooo...

Me: *about to say “he’s right here” and hand him the phone*