I put my pants on like everyone else, when there’s a knock on the front door.
Convince new friends into thinking you’re a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows
I bet the guy who invented cursive writing was drunk.
As a child I fought naps
Dr: [at couples counselling]I meant, what regrets do you have with your relationship
Got invited to a pool party on Sunday. I have 17 hours to get into shape
People think life after having kids is filled with sleepless nights and constant cleaning. That’s not true. There’s also anxiety and fear