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@deankarrier : I put my pants on like everyone else, when there's a knock on the front door.
@deankarrier: I’m so old, my ex-girlfriend keyed my horse
@deankarrier: If The Karate Kid taught me anything, it’s Daniels mom never cared enough to question why her son spent so much time in an old mans shed
@deankarrier: Convince new friends into thinking you're a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows
@deankarrier: I bet the guy who invented cursive writing was drunk.
@deankarrier: As a child I fought naps
Dr: [at couples counselling]I meant, what regrets do you have with your relationship
@deankarrier: Got invited to a pool party on Sunday. I have 17 hours to get into shape
@deankarrier: People think life after having kids is filled with sleepless nights and constant cleaning. That's not true. There's also anxiety and fear