Walking around cemeteries looking at headstones is a great way to come up with baby names.
A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you.
So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers.
[hits you in the face with newspaper]
“Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars.”
[ brings ouija board to your grave ]
“Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?”
I’m meeting a man I really like for drinks. If I play my cards right, he’ll be deleting my number in a few hours.
Him: why doesn’t anyone want me?
Me: I want you.
Him: why doesn’t anyone else want me?
[ first date ]
Me. Do you take drugs?
Him. I never touch them.
Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?
Part of being a woman means you can break your leg or be having a cardiac arrest & a nurse will still ask when your last period was.
Dating me is like a walk in the park – Jurassic Park.
If I were Cinderella, I wouldn’t have settled for a guy who couldn’t even remember what my face looked like.