Ryan Gosling’s 37, can we all just cut the crap, & call him Ryan Goose now?
men are so lucky they don’t have to sit down to poop.
If a conspiracy theorist tries to suck you into one of their wacky stories, just counter it with an even crazier theory.
Them: the moon landing was fake!
You: dude u still believe the moon is real? *shake ur head & walk away*
My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.
I bet crop circles are just Yelp for aliens with reviews like ‘Earth: hangry species, would not recommend.’ or ‘if you must visit, visit in the summer, ?????.’
Jesus dies and comes back three days later: he’s the Messiah.
But I do it and suddenly I’m “patient zero” and it’s all “oh god just kill it!” and “aim for it’s head!!”
My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I’ve never even seen a werewolf.