@deedles420

Ryan Gosling’s 37, can we all just cut the crap, & call him Ryan Goose now?

@deedles420

If a conspiracy theorist tries to suck you into one of their wacky stories, just counter it with an even crazier theory.

Them: the moon landing was fake!

You: dude u still believe the moon is real? *shake ur head & walk away*

@deedles420

My husband said he was taking a spider out, instead of killing it. That was an hour ago. I bet they’re drunk by now.

@deedles420

I bet crop circles are just Yelp for aliens with reviews like ‘Earth: hangry species, would not recommend.’ or ‘if you must visit, visit in the summer, ?????.’

@deedles420

Jesus dies and comes back three days later: he’s the Messiah.

But I do it and suddenly I’m “patient zero” and it’s all “oh god just kill it!” and “aim for it’s head!!”

@deedles420

My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I’ve never even seen a werewolf.